If time is short (as in “I have a drug test the day after tomorrow”), or if you are a somewhat heavyset daily weed smoker with an upcoming urinalysis, your best option to pass the test is the Substitution Method. This is when synthetic or clean urine is switched for the real specimen. There are a variety of substitution methods ranging from hiding your best friend’s clean pee in a latex condom to a novel fake phallus called the Monkey Dong that can deliver guaranteed clean urine to the receptacle of your choice. These devices are sold as sex toys – (And There’s Nothing Wrong With That!) – but they certainly be repurposed and used like a proper penis to pass clean synthetic urine as often as necessary.
I can’t recommend the condom but I can personally vouch for the sex toy.
It is not hard to understand that it is legally unwise for a private-sector employer to observe an employee or a potential employee while that person provides a urine sample, but as observation is common in other more official settings (such as drug courts) occasionally a private employer has been known to step over that line. It is illegal to suborn a court order, but a private employer is fair game. Those who believe they might be observed by a private employer can insist on privacy, and they’ll probably get it; but that will put a big yellow X on your back. I’m going to recommend you use a Monkey Dong to pass your test.
The Monkey Dong is a fake phallus with a proven track record. It can deliver a few fluid ounces of synthetic urine into a sample cup as needed at the proper color, PH and temperature.
A similar unisex device called the Monkey Whizz is sold with a small tube instead of a fake penis and can be used by both women and men
The advantage of using the substitution method is that your concern with the detection window disappears. Practically speaking, you could go to your drug test stoned (Not recommended!)
Practice is recommended. You increase your chances by increasing your confidence, and nothing builds confidence like practice.
Substitution is the only way to beat your urine test when time is of the essence. The drug test companies know how to find additives, dilutions and detox agents, but according to an official at Quest Diagnostics, one of the world’s leading drug test providers, “If synthetic urine can be successfully substituted for real urine in the privacy of the collection site restroom, unfortunately, there is often little that can be done…”
Unfortunate for drug test administrators, maybe, but fortunately for people like you and me… the Monkey Dong offers serious stealth for $99.95 plus shipping & handling while the unisex Monkey Whizz comes ready to use for $45.95 plus s&h.