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Ten Good Reasons To Cheat On Your Drug Test

[DTN] Cheating is something we’re never supposed to do… unless they give you a damn good reason to do it.

Here are TEN Good Reasons to Cheat! (on your drug test)

  1. Because They Cheat…
    Drug testing does not reveal impairment, but that doesn’t stop them from doing it.

    The tests have such poor specificity and sensitivity that false positives are so common that a second confirmation test is required in the public sector. 

    And because the private sector (i.e. commonplace, pre-employment, workplace drug testing) often does not spend the extra money for the second confirmatory test.

    Because they don’t have to.
    Because it’s easier to not hire or just fire…

  2. Because They Cheat to Make Money… A LOT of Money!
    The worldwide markets for drug testing is currently estimated to be around $5 billion (give or take a billion) and it is predicted to increase to $9 billion over the next five years.

  3. Because They Wouldn’t Make All That Money If They Didn’t Test For Weed…
    Marijuana use is seven times more prevalent in the U.S. that all the other illicit drugs combined!! It is pot that puts the profit in piss.

  4. Because Weed Stays in Your System A LOT LONGER than the Other Drugs…
    Amphetamines and opioids are gone in four days, cocaine disappears after two to five days tops, and Good Golly, Miss Molly, MDMA and its triply derivatives vacate after a week. THC metabolites alone lodges in the fat cells and depending on the quality of your weed, the frequency of your use and your personal body fat profile, cannabis might be detectable for thirty days or more.

  5. Because Testing For The Other Drugs Should Be A Serious Endeavor…And testing for weed is always a joke.
    And, not to put too fine a point on it, the joke is on you.

  6. Because Drug Testing for Profit Should Not Be The Goal
    Sanctimonious drug warriors call urine testing “the Gold Standard” without a trace of irony. Their agenda is to regularly drug test as much of the American population as humanly possible – man, woman and child – and lie about their motives while they’re doing it, all the way to the bank.
    Because you are the product…

  7. Because The Supreme Court Slipped Drug Testing In Under The Constitutional Bar…
    There was a time not long ago when the idea of the U.S. Government compelling any citizen to take a random suspicion-less drug test was unthinkable. Those days are gone.

    It took almost fifty years and a dozen or so Supreme Court decisions but drug testing is now part of this increasingly strange American adventure.

    Some fifty million drug tests are performed in this country each year and that figure will increase. What once was a modern right to privacy is now a much older right to remain unemployed.

  8. Because YOU will be the Guinea Pigs for developing their technology…Who else?

    For years affordable urinalysis was so flawed that up to fifty percent of the testing could come back as false positives. Millions of tests were conducted and over the years – reportedly – the testing profiles improved and false positives became a rare thing indeed – reportedly.

    Of course, there is no way to tell if that’s true because the test results are the intellectual property of the client companies and the drug test providers.  These facts and figures are kept in a black box buried at the bottom of the ocean (or the corporate equivalent thereof).

    But for the sake of argument, let’s say they fixed the false positive problem: does that mean that those millions and millions of tests that were taken over the years were placeholders at best and guinea pigs at worst, subjects field testing an affordable urinalysis.

    They can make a 100% reliable test – always could.
    They just can’t make them cheap. 
    It’s not a science thing.
    It’s a money thing. 

  9. Because the “New” Technologies They Come Up With Will Be Variations On An OLD Theme…
    Old harassments in new packaging…
    The precise distance between spit tests and breathalyzers.

  10. Because It Makes You Feel Like 007…
    I always wanted to grow up and fight an evil organization that was trying to take over the world. I just didn’t think it would be the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.

    Nonetheless, every time I’ve walked out of the bathroom stall having successfully switched my potted piss for synthetic pee again, I narrow my cold eyes, suppress a dangerous smirk and hum the James Bond theme song in my head as I walk away.

    Try it some time. It’s awesome! 

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